Humorous Culinary Storyteller Gifts

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The Burrito King.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Garlic Free Zone.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."