Humorist With An Interest In The Absurdity Of Tech Issues Gifts

Tech Support/Counseling for Anxiety caused by tech-support.

The cell phone soother for life.

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"You are still here."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

AI Summit

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

"It's been in self-drive mode all morning, maybe it's not programmed to recognise stop signs?"

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

"Frankly, you seem a little fleshy for our team."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Do I use Google Maps driving or walking directions?"

"V.C.R's programmed"

Lies on the Internet

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.