Humorist With A Spade Pillows

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

Honest Vending

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

"You have a good lie."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

Ernie got up on the wrong side of the garden bed again.

'We operate on the point system here. When you see something go wrong, point at whoever you think is to blame.'

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

"You may be more familiar with her maiden name, Kelly, Grace Kelly."

Genetically Modified Apples

Customers seek Alyssum in Garden Centre.

'Don't make me use my chemical weapons...'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

Christian Motorcyclists Association

'I'm an artistic genius, I bet no-one has ever painted a plain old bowl of fruit.'

"First, let me say how much I appreciate your 6-foot social distancing."

Witch Rowing Team