Handbag Humorist Pillows

"Why did I go in here!"

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

The Dandy

I'm sure it's fake.

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Trust me, detainee orange is going to be huge this fall."

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

"I found an old photo of us, when we were punk rockers... Didn't we look ridiculous?"

Flight Socks.

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

Gangsta wrap.

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Hipster Police Department

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Cat scares away fish design on man's shirt.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

'Let's face it, we're not meant to wear hats...'

"Lemonade App: $1"

"Arr! This isn't the map to the treasure, it's the map to me winter sweaters."

Where Pleather Comes From

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."