Humorist On Holidays Gifts

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Claus 2.0

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

High security Santa's grotto

Night of the Latkes

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

That one has all the batteries!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Ninja bread men"

Hiding the electronics.

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Fish snorkling above water.

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

King Kongs first christmas

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.