Humorist On Holidays Pillows

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Night of the Latkes

High security Santa's grotto

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"Ninja bread men"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Hiding the electronics.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Fish snorkling above water.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

King Kongs first christmas

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"I don't believe in you!"