Holiday Humourist Pillows

"What I want for Christmas is to have the day off and watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'."

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Night of the Latkes

High security Santa's grotto

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Hiding the electronics.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

That one has all the batteries!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Ninja bread men"

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Fish snorkling above water.

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."