Humorist In The Kitchen Gifts

A vampire using ground pepper on his new victim.

Pastry Kitchen. Ernie, here is the gingerbread man --- and he's heard all the jokes.

'I downloaded these recipes. Care to try virtual meatloaf?'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

"You asked for the soup of the day, you didn't specify what day."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'I was in the catering corps.'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Amy Sedaris

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Avocado Timeline

'Needs more kale.'

The secret lives of household things.

'He's all eyes!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Decaying corpse

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."