Humorist In Science Pillows

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Schrodinger's Black Box

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

How Glaciations Begin

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

The new Physics

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"...I think we've found the missing link!"