Humorist In Recessions Pillows

'In this economy, I don't say anything without first saying, in this economy...'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Honest Vending

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Kultural K9's.

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."