Humorist In Mental Health Pillows

"He's obviously depressed, let's see if leaving him to years of unemployment and broken relationships helps his condition."

"Well that seems to be your insomnia cured. Perhaps I should have tackled your schizophrenia first."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Self help acupuncture

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Psychobabbling brook.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

Computer help.

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."