Mental Health Comedian Pillows

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

Fakir Shrink.

Psychobabble.

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

Shrink's Summer Job

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

"Westwood psychiatric group... How may I direct your cry for help?"

'Has the news finished yet?'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'