Humorist In Habits Pillows

"I suppose marriage would temper my penchant for pole dancing."

Honest Vending

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"Trust me, detainee orange is going to be huge this fall."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

"The planet appears to be inhabitable but more like low-income inhabitable."

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

The World of People

'We operate on the point system here. When you see something go wrong, point at whoever you think is to blame.'

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Lager drinker and a vegetarian eating together.

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

"Maybe we'd stand a better change of rescue if we didn't look so much like penguins."

'I've lost the will to die.'

'Your hand signal was okay. Pity you didn't open the window.'

Nathan is a strict vegetatetarian.

"He's stopped that annoying knuckle cracking, but now he's smuggling in bubble wrap."

"You know...maybe grinding your teeth isn't such a bad thing."

Time-lapse philately

'What do you mean, there's no cigarette break??!'

'Goodbye darling have a great day at the office, but you do realise you retired yesterday,'

A bad habit promotes evolution.