Gross Habit Humorist Pillows

"Aw, c'mon! Not again man!!"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

'Food fight!'

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

Death Watch

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

Shy Man at Party

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

'What seems to be the problem?'

Brain Fart

"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."

'Stop repeating yourself, Brown!'

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"

Puppy Turds (just 50 cents! Wow!)

"You gotta teach me that trick."

'That's it - I'm leaving home!'

'Burl always has to walk around the house when he brushes his teeth. . . he can't sit still for a minute.'

To stop the spread of the virus. . . Remember not to touch your face.

With smoking banned, what left for me to look forward to? Just drinking myself to death?

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

Walter always hated touching washroom doors. Now that he was dead, he no longer had to.

"Maybe we'd stand a better change of rescue if we didn't look so much like penguins."

"You know...maybe grinding your teeth isn't such a bad thing."

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!