Humorist At Heart Pillows

'Ah, Gutenberg, I'm just writing an article about your silly bookpress.'

"What are we doing? I think the real question is, what are you trying to hide?"

"I'm sorry, but to reach our diversity goals, this position must be filled by someone who is gluten free."

Why lawyers should never try to write their own vows.

"I'm not beached. I just don't swim on Saturdays."

The mortician's lunch-box.

Bob's Musical Intruments - "I'll have a cornet."

Casino on board Airbus A380.

'Really? -- the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?'

Why you need to be specific with a G.P.S.: 'You have arrived at the most exciting destination of your life...'

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

Bedtime Of The Gods

'Try aiming for the wall - maybe then you'll hit the target!'

"I'm getting the hang of this wake up every morning, and do basically the same thing with different complaints until I die."

Employee of the Month

"Okay, now that I'm not wearing trainers or jeans can I come in?"

'Oh, wise guru tell me the secret of success, Oops tell me how to fly!'

'I told you not to order the chocolate cream surprise.'

Man using half eaten doughnuts on his model railway

'My wife insisted this is where I spread her ashes.'

"You'll never believe what kind of bumper-to-bumper warranty this baby has."

'He came in for an inverview 3 hours ago, and I made the mistake of telling him to make himself comfortable.'

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

Dad talks in management speak. Mum translates: 'He'll give you 50p to clean the car'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

The sun going to work each day in order to support life.

'The good thing about having multiple personalities is that you never get lonely.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

"I'm thinking of going into sit up comedy."

"We had an agreement, Edward. I lay one egg and then it's back to my law practice."

Saving up for a rainy day.

What we were promised...What we got.

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

Why should you guys have all the fun?