Humor Paradox Fans Pillows

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Beer Parasol.

Tequila Mockingbird

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

The bird feeder.

'Guess who's teething?'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."