Humor Paradox Fans Gifts

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

The Snooze Bar.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

Tequila Mockingbird

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

No, I don

tRUMp, Pirate President

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

The bird feeder.

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation