Online Paradox Enthusiast Pillows

'Internet privacy is important and worth protecting. That's exactly what I just wrote on my nude picture binge drinking blog!'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

The Physiciatrist...

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

Bumper Limos

The Meaning of Life

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"I move for less transparency."

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Right Against Right.

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

Grenadiers

"We managed to make ends meet."

Man falling down neverending staircase.

Zeno Gives Directions

The Friendly Loan Company

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

"Can you turn around so we can brush?"

"Is that your beeper or my beeper?"

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

The City that Never Sleeps.

National Paradox Foundation: We're closed come in.

'I know one never knows, but I don't know how one knows that.'

Fastest slowest animal

Crackpot watches while women catfight.