Paradox Lovers Pillows

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Artist

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

The Physiciatrist...

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

The Meaning of Life

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

A psychic mows the lawn.

Bumper Limos

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

Palindrome school.

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

"The good news is that you'll be immortalized in a world-famous painting. The bad news...your face is stuck like that for life!"

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

Right Against Right.

Maybe we never actually do anything because we keep calling for a show of hands.

'I wish there was someone here who could insult me and give me hope at the same time!'

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

'We'd like somewhere with sand, sun, beaches and skiing.'