Tech Paradox Lover Pillows

"Is that your beeper or my beeper?"

Please help! Grateful for spare change... Will accept Venmo and bitcoin.

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

The Meaning of Life

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

'That's strange -- there seems to be a pop-tart in your disk drive.'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

"I move for less transparency."

Amish personal mobility scooter

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

Grenadiers

'It's never done that before!'

Right Against Right.

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

Zeno Gives Directions

"It's only a matter of time before we realize that time doesn't exist."

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

My car is running great, but the GPS is busted. You can go nowhere fast!

Wanderer dropping phone above the sea of fog

The City that Never Sleeps.

National Paradox Foundation: We're closed come in.

Fastest slowest animal