Tech Chaos Enthusiast Pillows

"Every time I touch a computer it dies. It's taking all the fun out of online shopping."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

In the Guru District

Online form - Submit.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Claus 2.0

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Who changed the password to 'arf'?'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

The Little Search Engine Who Could: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"Uh-oh...it's starting to delegate work to me."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"I'm bored."

Crap from the future.

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'