Humor Magnet Pillows

"There's a woman on tinder called Melania Trump."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Life is for the birds.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

A Golden Non-Retriever

The Snooze Bar.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

No, I don

tRUMp, Pirate President

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

The bird feeder.

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"Fish finder."