Meme Magician Pillows

"So if you go on vacation and no one knows about it, did you really go on vacation?"

"I understood there would be catfish..."

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

At least there's Wi-Fi down here so we can still troll people

"I hacked into Santa's computer to make sure we're on his 'nice' list."

Plus Infinity Squared, the greatest social networking endorsement yet!

"There's good possibility for viral growth....not your infection...the video I took of your procedure."

Keyboard warrior

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

"I'll be right with you."

Tweet

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Moses separating his Laundry.

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Desert Island BBQ

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Primitive magician

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

"I can't believe he brought her."

Noreldo, The Mental Marvel, Reads The Mind Of His Cat, Ned:

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Magic Tricks

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Juggler and Illusionist

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"Trust me. Don't do it."