Humor In Gastronomy Pillows

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Lockdown casserole

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Cat eats date.

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'