Humor In Finance Gifts

'It's the bank's Small Business Advisor to see you, dear.'

I'm concerned about my broker. He advised me to keep 60 in stocks, 25 in bonds and 35 in cash.

'We've discovered the Cave of Missing Accounting Ledgers.'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

"Mr Giles, when I recommended that investment to you, I was reading the wrong chart - a chart concerning home runs in the National League. But it didn't matter - the stock went up anyway."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

The Decline of the Euro.

Footing The Bill

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'