Humor In Finance Fan Gifts

"I'm sorry, but the only 0% offer we can give you is the 0% chance of being accepted..."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

The Decline of the Euro.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'It's a bill collector!'

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'