Humor In Dieting Pillows

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is it working?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'I'm on a strict diet... so no pie charts.'

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

"Imagine bread is a lot like the sun...It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist."

"Will I be searched for chocolate when I board?"

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

'This is spinach, Grandma. Spinach isn't grandmotherly.'