Humor Fanatic Gifts

'You've a Thames Water variant of water retention.'

"We've got a self-driving car, a self-cleaning kitchen and a self-hating narcissist."

"Thar be an Hallowe'easter a blowin'."

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

Humps ahead.

Allegator in the Waiting Room

'I'm going downtown -- can I swipe you anything?'

'I always carry my hammer, incase we're shipwrecked, and I need it to crack coconuts.'

"It's just a name, I'm not religious at all, though, to be truthful, I would have a few things to confess..."

"What has four legs and feathers?"

"He's a cross between a great dane and a bicycle pump. . . and really puts the wind up the postman."

"And I bet it's the hottest summer since records began back home."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Police Feline Unit

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.