Humanity Studies Gifts

'It's a turbulent planet - their religious rituals require that the kill one another.'

Now showing, at a University near you...

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

Analysis of Beauty - Plate II.

Book dictator

Creator's Remorse

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I wish I had emotions like people do. I wish I could think as logically as people do. I'd like to take a walk along the shoreline without rusting. Storing energy in a battery rather than a pot belly would be nice. Having a sense of humor would be fun. The ability to selectively delete memories would be great to have. I wish I didn't have to worry about digital viruses. I wish I didn't have to worry about biological viruses.

How long have you let this unhealthy obsession with family and friends interfere with your celebrity-watching?

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'What's a wheel? I invented a donut.'

Fastest gun on the Silk Road

"I don't have anything against you in particular. My disdain encompasses humanity as a whole."

"In my first creation I made man introspective, peaceful and considerate. It was sooo boring."

"Numerous complaints have led school officials to investigate this popular teacher for encouraging students to pursue degrees in the humanities."

Dr, Martin Luther King, Jr. 40th Anniversary

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

Human History

'The peasants aren't so bad, Son -- it's the bourgeoisie that's so darn judgmental!'

It was dawning on Ed that maybe his conscience wasn't such a good guide after all.

You're in the Engineering Quad, Just Back Away Slowly and Find the Humanities Quad.

'Yes, I'm ready for Pesach, but you know, matzah just doesn't attract the children like gingerbread.'

English major will work for food.

'Just say no to stem cell research.'

Wife: 'It's for you, honey - the Reincarnation Society.'

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

Something from the Provinces

Personnel. How are your people skills?

"Artificial intelligence has just identified humanity's main problem. It's human."

'Would you support capital punishment?'

"Where is everybody going?"

Jesus returns: Acmy Employment Agency: 'I do have experience as a carpenter, but that was 2000 yeras ago.'

'I think we've created a yob culture!'

A Yankee in Dixie: 'What in blue blazes is a 'tunerfish' sam' wich?'