Humane Hardware Specialist Gifts

"We need to deliver urgently but the machine is broken and we can't find the technician. . . could you please. . ."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'Rex! Have you been counting the sheep again?'

Factory Farmers.

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

Matador Artificial Insemination.

'Do you believe how easy it is to find corn on the internet?'

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

'Don't worry. Big Al will take care of it.'

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

Fat cat on top of computer monitor 'You need a diet' 'You need a bigger monitor'

"It's the worst case of Sick Building Syndrome I've ever seen!"

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

'Nowadays kiddo, we just need to herd the sheep, but my grandfather had to protect them from wolves!'

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

The Lion Tamer.

"It's only until spring."

"Hello? Beasts of the Field? This is Lou, over in Birds of the Air. Anything funny going on at your end?"

Witness Protection Program

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

"My new vet has the human touch."

'Where is your glove? When you went in you were wearing a glove!'