Humane Hardware Specialist Gifts

"We need to deliver urgently but the machine is broken and we can't find the technician. . . could you please. . ."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'Rex! Have you been counting the sheep again?'

Factory Farmers.

Matador Artificial Insemination.

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

'Do you believe how easy it is to find corn on the internet?'

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

'Don't worry. Big Al will take care of it.'

Fat cat on top of computer monitor 'You need a diet' 'You need a bigger monitor'

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

"It's the worst case of Sick Building Syndrome I've ever seen!"

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

'Nowadays kiddo, we just need to herd the sheep, but my grandfather had to protect them from wolves!'

The Lion Tamer.

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"It's only until spring."

"Hello? Beasts of the Field? This is Lou, over in Birds of the Air. Anything funny going on at your end?"

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

Witness Protection Program

"My new vet has the human touch."

'Where is your glove? When you went in you were wearing a glove!'

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"