Humane Educator Gifts

The Four Stages of Cruelty - First stage.

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

"That's a cloud, son, and no, I don't know if it's toxic."

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

Factory Farmers.

K-9 Garten

Warring parents

"Shows you how much I know."

People of Courage

Obedience School: When Dogs Earn Their Master's Degree.

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

"Since this is your first time seeing a rhino, just a friendly note: that’s my horn, not a giant pimple!"

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

"Prose & Cons."

God's Miracles.

'She asked at what rate is farmland disappearing, and I put a wash load a day. What's wrong with that?'

Discipline at Doggy School

'Today, students, we will discuss lameness in fish.'

'Your x-ray shows an enlarged heart. It's nothing to worry about. All teachers have a big heart.'

'Sidestep the real issue $5'

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

"It's his first day of school!"

"Poke my bunny with a stick, sir?"

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

Treacherous moments in evolution

'I think that's right, but let me check.'

'If a camel can go 500 miles without water... how far can he go with water?'

'Son, you're old enough now to know the truth...The red dot...It isn't real.'

'Before you say anything, remember the educational importance of self-esteem.'

Shifting the blame 101.

'Teaching kids is my greatest joy ... But the bodily violence is hard to take.'

"Worst case of 'compassion fatigue' I've seen."

'Brian has been very frustrated about the raccoons getting into the garbage,'