Human Development Humorist Gifts

Fountain of Legal Age

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Zenemies.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Math Teacher

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'People, get a half-life!'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."