Humanitarian Humorist Gifts

"Why is that African refugee wearing my best hat and coat?"

Ethics exam cheater.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Self help acupuncture

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."