Human Condition Commentator Pillows

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Virtual Doctor

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Chess on TV

Take a pill so you won't be one.

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Voice of the GOP

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.