Hr Coordinators Pillows

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

How leaders fail

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'What's wrong now?'

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Late/Too Late.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'