Holiday Staff Coordinator Pillows

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

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"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Not guilty?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Ho, ho, you're fired."

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

New Year's Eve party for dogs

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'What if I promise not to look?'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

A midwinter potluck! How lovely!! Let me check the calendar! Oh, too bad! Thwack! We already have something on that date!

Human resources department is a stock full of humans.

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

'Nobody turned up to the 'effective communications' seminar...they didn't get our memo.'

Happy New Year

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Rescuing the NHS for Christmas

Huge Christmas Pudding

Monday. Grab what you can for dinner. I'm shopping for Thanksgiving! Tuesday. I didn't pack your lunches. I'm fixing cranberry relish. Wednesday. Shoo! I'm making the pies! I know how the pilgrims felt. I'm starving!

Share your blessings - give to Toys for Tots, Salvation Army, Food Shelves.

'I vote we throw caution to the wind.'

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy? Having a huge party. It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly. Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games. "Turkey Slaughter VI" is no ordinary game. You're coming to my place.

'I'll celebrate Christmas in a supermarket and you?'

'As a department manager, it's my job to find out my staff members' talents and to appoint them to the place they're best at.'