Housework Sharer Pillows

"The kids are still in the hospital, the dog is dead, but I lost 15 kilos in one week! Next month I'll let my husband cook again!"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

A DIY disaster.

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Washing Line Walker

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Two Players both holding the same cue.

'But you said to clean my room.'

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"How did you get him to do housework?"

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

Sif instantly regretted asking Thor to hang the picture.

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Washing Machine Torture

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'