Housework Sharer Pillows

"The kids are still in the hospital, the dog is dead, but I lost 15 kilos in one week! Next month I'll let my husband cook again!"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

A DIY disaster.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

Washing Line Walker

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Two Players both holding the same cue.

'But you said to clean my room.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

Sif instantly regretted asking Thor to hang the picture.

"How did you get him to do housework?"

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

'Mom, can't we stop to look at the Grand Canyon?'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Washing Machine Torture

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."