Housewarming Hero Pillows

"We worked on this place for years – a real labor of love."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Tartine

Come dine with me!

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Biofelineism

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"I didn't spark joy."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

Second hand furniture.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

Man using to much bug spray

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"