House-moving Hero Pillows

"They just put that to make you handle it with care."

'The position calls for a doctorate, in biochemistry...'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

She left lots of photos out so the cat wouldn't miss her while she was away...

A holiday at home

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"When the researcher said we were going to a gated community, I had no idea what he meant."

'Quick, press control Z!'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'My old Nehru suit! And in a pocket there's still a bottle of aftershave lotion from the glove box of my '55 Nash Rambler.'

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

New Swiss Army Knife

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

' Oh no! I'm being repossessed! '

Wallpapering with Nails

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.