Household Repairs Gifts

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'I found the termites!'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

Moses unblocking the toilet.

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

The Fuse