Household Repairs Gifts

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

The Fuse

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."