Home Repair Gifts

'See! I told you the roof needed repairing.'

Translating Contractor to English

'Rick, I think something is wrong with the septic system. The toilet is flushing kind of slowly.'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

'The good news is, you haven't lost water pressure.'

'Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.'

"We''ll have to get that leaky roof sorted out"

Workman puts his foot through the roof of a house.

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"Lady, what's going on down there is an affront to the very idea of boilers."

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

"Sorry, lady, we gotta quit for the day. Our radio broke."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'This must be the place!'

'When he finally exhausts his vocabularly that's when I call the plumber.'

"Alright, now see what happens when you turn the faucet off."

Irritable dowel syndrome

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

"You know that's a waste of time, just chuck it on the fire to keep us warm."

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Home maintenance

'It'll take a few days for the dryer parts to come in. In the meantime, you might want to set some lint traps in your basement.

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

'It'll flush fine now - once you get the knack of it.'

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'Darn power walkers went right through the house.'

"I had all of my windows replaced, before I realised my glasses were cracked."