Home Repair T-Shirts

'See! I told you the roof needed repairing.'

Translating Contractor to English

'Rick, I think something is wrong with the septic system. The toilet is flushing kind of slowly.'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

'The good news is, you haven't lost water pressure.'

'Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.'

"We''ll have to get that leaky roof sorted out"

Workman puts his foot through the roof of a house.

"Lady, what's going on down there is an affront to the very idea of boilers."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

"Sorry, lady, we gotta quit for the day. Our radio broke."

"Alright, now see what happens when you turn the faucet off."

'This must be the place!'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'When he finally exhausts his vocabularly that's when I call the plumber.'

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

Irritable dowel syndrome

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

"You know that's a waste of time, just chuck it on the fire to keep us warm."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

"Would you prefer me to hover over you silently or awkwardly try to make small talk?"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Home maintenance

'It'll take a few days for the dryer parts to come in. In the meantime, you might want to set some lint traps in your basement.

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

'I'll just light my pipe before I find the gas leak.'

Junkyard and sign that reads 'Puttery Barn'.

'Thank goodness you got here in time. Frank was going to start without you.'

'Darn power walkers went right through the house.'