House Emergency Repairs T-Shirts

'The lumber company may not sell anything for new construction, but it sure is cleaning up on selling wood for boarding up houses.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

The Fuse