Dealing With Home Repairs Gifts

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"The good news is I've found a plumber...the bad news is he's coming from China. "

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."