Hotline Operator Pillows

"How may I direct your call? Doctor-assisted or regular?"

Suicide hot line

"Impatient jerk!"

'Hello. You've reached the twenty-four hour toll-free hotline.'

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"I see the downsizing continues."

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

"I'll check and see if he's available."

Welcome to Yellow Pages, Vermont

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

Thermidor Dali

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Computer tech support sacred offering

Call Center.

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Try re-installing your system software and turn off any file extensions.'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

"If you know what you want, please say so now, otherwise listen carefully, because the menu option have changed."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

'Hello?...Customer service?...Uhhh...How do you open the box?'

'Never mind what I'm wearing!'

'Haa, I've been a 911 operator waay to long to fall for that...'

'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'