Hotel Hedonist T-Shirts

'I was just wondering if you already ate that chocolate they left on your pillow last night?"

'Another thing, my waterbed broke.' - 'According to the hotel manager your room did not have a waterbed.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

"Enjoy your stay at the Bat Hotel. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. The guano bucket is down the hall and to the left."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Biliard Enthusiast

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Hotel mini-bar.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'I see the Maids have been in!'

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

"These were taken on some of my favorite layovers."

Sparrow Hilton

Room service.

Frankly, I'm not as interested in resisting temptation as I am in finding it!

The mint on the pillow? Why it's complimentary my dear, Watson!

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

'I brought my mini bar with me.'