Hotel Hedonist Pillows

'I was just wondering if you already ate that chocolate they left on your pillow last night?"

'Another thing, my waterbed broke.' - 'According to the hotel manager your room did not have a waterbed.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

Biliard Enthusiast

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'

Room service.

Sparrow Hilton

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

'I see the Maids have been in!'

"These were taken on some of my favorite layovers."

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

Bed or breakfast.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."