Health-conscious Hedonists Pillows

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Yoga vs. Prosecco

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

'Is it organic?'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Spring.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

Frankly, I'm not as interested in resisting temptation as I am in finding it!

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion. Oh no. I've spent the last 72 hours analyzing our customer base. Our granola and kale latte helped us capture the hipster demo once we bundled it with cigarettes and vinyl records. Our caffeine-infused mocha helped us capture the white-collar set once we bundled it with motivational recordings. But there's one demographic we still haven't monopolized. First-time parents of toddlers. How proficient are you at potty training? I q

Right, like you're the first shrink to recommend aromatherapy.

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

"Mind if I shoot through?"

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

WARNING: Smoking turns you into a donkey.

Diet Smell...

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

Weight watchers

"To the fact that martinis have no cholesterol, gluten, or GMOs...."

"Apparently night shifts undermine our health..."

'Test results indicate you broke your New Year's resolution.'

"Walking in the hall carrying a file folder makes you look busy. This allows you to get an aerobic workout and nobody is the wiser."

New Normal

A Reasonable Time for Concern