Health-conscious Hedonist T-Shirts

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

"You'll have to give up the wine and the women. It's OK to sing, but only in moderation."

"To the fact that martinis have no cholesterol, gluten, or GMOs...."

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

'Well, well, well...'

Distance to avoid contagion

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

Flash Cuisine

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

'Is it organic?'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Spring.

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Don't drink and drive. Don't even putt."

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

QUICK OIL CHANGE & FLU SHOT

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

GM Foods.

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Have you been eating right?'

"Your, health check results are excellent. You have the body of an athlete... Although, probably only of bronze medal standard."

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

"Mind if I shoot through?"