Hotel Aficionado Gifts

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'What a bargain!'

'Couldn't you have taken the robe instead?'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"Continental breakfast, daily telegraph and morning after pill"

"Front desk? There are no little candies on my pillow."

"Enjoy your stay at the Bat Hotel. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. The guano bucket is down the hall and to the left."

'Since winning Lotto, I stay only in five-star hotels: No need for a shell anymore...'

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"

Exit

'Looks like he's going to get your continental breakfast.'

"You'll have to stay in the manger..."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

I am delighted to add my heartfelt comments ton my stay at this exceptional hotel - indeed I wish I had a better command of language - 'Absolutely disgusting' just isn't strong enough!

"Problem sir?"

"Feeding frenzies are 7-9am, 12-2p, and 5-7pm."

"You're home, dear. We don't have room service."

"I don't think much of the mini bar."

Unhelpful Porter

Washington Had Insomnia Here.

'Would you like a 'turn down' service?' - 'I don't know... I already get turned down quite a lot.' - 'No, no... we go into your room while you're out and fold over the corner of your duvet.' - 'That sounds mildly disturbing.' - 'Look, let me make this...'

'The REAR entrance if you please!'

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

'We like to go on holiday early in the season...when the sheets are still clean.'

"Shoot, I forgot this place has early checkout."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'